Expect the Unexpected... I Didn't.

Soooooooooooo, I'm home.  The unexpected part is that I am STILL PREGNANT!

     Things did not go anywhere near the way I thought they would when we went to the hospital.  The plan was to do 2-3 doses of Prepidil, which is a gel that gets inserted up the vagina and then placed on the cervix to soften it and allow for further dilation.  Next we would do a low dose of Pitocin just to get my contractions started.  Once my body kicked in the Pitocin would be turned off and the rest of labor would go naturally.
    The way things actually went was this... We checked in at 6 am on Wednesday morning.  We were in our labor room by 6:45.  The nurse than old us that we might get sent home because the Prepidil is typically only used if there is an extreme medical reason for inducing labor.  We told her that it was our doctor's recommendation due to the fact that I was 38 weeks with two very healthy twins and our doctor felt that letting things go too far could cause unnecessary complications.  So she left to get approval for the procedure.  She finally had the approval around 11:00-ish.
     At 11:30 I was laid flat on my back, the doctor shoved his fingers up me and all the way back to my cervix, which we found out is very posterior (behind my uterus...not fun!!!) and then used his fingers to guide the Prepidil syringe to the cervix.  He squirted the gel in and than it was 6 hours of waiting.  It was super painful, but my anticipation of it working was high.  After 6 hours I was checked (sooooo painful) and I had softened a tiny bit, so round two of the gel was prescribed.  Same painful process and another 6 hours of waiting.  The gel also caused contractions that felt like really bad period cramps including the nauseousness.  After the second 6 hours I was checked and NOTHING had changed!  It was 11:45 pm at this time and a third round of the gel was prescribed and inserted.  My poor crotch felt horrible, raw and swollen... but the end result was worth it to me.  I would be checked again at 5:45 am (Thursday) to decide whether or not to move on to Pitocin or do more gel.
     At 5:45 am I was woken up (I slept like crap, but had small spurts of actual sleep) and the nurse checked me.  This was by far the most painful check.  The nurse had small hands and literally grabbed the side bar of the bed to help give her more umph as she leaned in and SHOVED her fingers up me.  I was ready to scream when she finally pulled back.  But, she said I was thinned enough to move on to Pitocin...YAY!
     I started the pit drip at a level 6 at 6:30 am.  Throughout the day the drip was gradually increased in an attempt to create stronger, more productive contractions.  I sat on my birthing ball most of the afternoon and I literally didn't feel the contractions.  The pit was gradually increased all the way up to level 20 around 2:00 pm, the highest it goes, and I finally felt the contractions.  My body however never kicked in with its own contractions.  By 3:30 the doctor decided to stop the pit drip and I was checked again.  I was still dilated to a 1!!!!!! The contractions were completely unproductive :( At 5:30 pm I was given a 4th dose of the Prepidil gel to try and thin my cervix a little more in hopes that it would stretch better.  I had a few minutes of hardcore frustration crying.  I felt like once again my body was letting everyone down.  My family, Beau's family and lots of friends were waiting on our baby's arrival and I could not make it happen.  I created the same mental pressure I felt when I couldn't get pregnant.  Not a fun feeling.
    Although I was supposed to wait 6 hours again my doctor came in around 9:00 pm and decided to check me again and discuss options.  Once again I got the depressing news that NOTHING had changed.  My body was not responding to any of the meds.  I lost it.  I thought I had cried hard earlier, nope... I really went into "the ugly" cry.  I was beyond frustrated and felt hopeless.  I wanted soooooo badly to hold my boys and bring them into this world as natural as possible and everything was falling apart.  The options Dr. Berry gave me were to do another round of the gel with the addition of some sort of balloon thing that would be inserted into my cervix and blown up to force dilation, a C-section OR stop everything and go home...empty handed.
     I didn't like any of the options, but had to make a decision.  Everyone left the room and I balled into Beau's chest and we tried to make a rational decision that was best for the babies and not a selfish emotional decision.  We decided to give my body a break and go home.  I was heart broken.  I knew when I first got pregnant that my family was not the best dilators, but I had hoped that the pressure of the twins would solve that problem for me.  I could not believe that my body had BARELY reacted to any of the meds and was not easily starting its own contractions.  I really felt it was time to have these babies come out, but obviously I was wrong.  I finally stopped crying, got dressed and we went home around 10:30 pm.  I had been in the hospital and having medically induced contractions for nearly 40 hours and was walking out feeling the exact same as I had when I went in...no real contractions and hugely pregnant.  Not what I expected.
      We are scheduled to go back in first thing Monday morning and try the balloon thing with either the pit drip or the gel.  If my body hasn't kicked in by Tuesday morning than the plan is to do a c-section.  I will be one day short of 39 weeks at that point.  I was entirely okay with this plan last night as I was balling in the hospital, but now that I have had a minute to think clearly I am stressing about what I should do.
     My only concern with the babies is that they are growing so much that they are running out of fluid and room.  I don't want to wait to act until they are in fetal distress, but I also don't want to jump the gun if they truly are not ready to come out.  I want to go natural, but I am aware that natural may not be the best option if my body doesn't cooperate.  I don't want to risk my child's life all in an attempt to spare them from a traumatic, drug-induced entrance into this world... but I want to give them the best entrance possible and to me that would be naturally.  I don't know what to do.
     Ideally I would love for my body to go into labor this weekend before Monday so I don't have to make these tough choices, but its not looking like that is in the cards for me.  The LDS religion has its semi-annual conference this weekend where the prophet and apostles will be speaking.  It is broadcast via television or internet worldwide ( I recommend it to anyone and everyone!!! ).  I am hoping to gain some insight and peace through the messages we'll hear.  I have also been praying like crazy and plan to continue my prayers to know what is best.  I trust the Lord and hope I am in-tune enough to recognize His prompting/answer to my prayers.
     Today I have had a lot of love and support from friends and family that know what happened and I appreciate all of it.  I have kept myself very busy with the help of my mom (who NEVER stops/slows down).  I am grateful she is here even though she is supposed to be taking care of her grandsons, and is instead taking care of me :) Between the love and patience of my husband, the support of family and friends and especially the love of the Lord, I do believe we will know what we are supposed to do.  Until then, I am still pregnant with two very squirmy 7 lbs. baby boys.