Lasts Before Firsts

                       
**The above pics are from the ward baby shower.  The games were to take pictures of Beau and I, combine them to show what our boys will look like...YIKES! and playdough babies... super fun!
** I am blog-dumb and am not sure why these pics are at the top, but I couldn't get them to post where I wanted.

    So I am still pregnant.  34 weeks today! I am becoming extremely uncomfortable in pretty much every aspect possible and I am trying so hard to not let my selfish side win the mental battle.  I want soooooooo badly to have my body back or at least be able to walk, bend over and see my toes like a normal person.... oh and sleep on my stomach!! But I know that it is way more important for the boys health to have them stay put as long as possible.
    So here is my venting moment:  My belly skin feels like it is burning most of the day because it is stretched so thin and the boys push and kick against it super hard.  I love all the movement I feel, but it is literally constant and in my crotch and ribs at the same time...not a fun 24 hour feeling.  I have to sleep sitting up at night because of heartburn.  After just an hour or less of attempting to fall asleep my tailbone is killing me and my belly is super heavy.  My hair is falling out and has been for a little while.  I hate the feeling of random hairs on me.  It kind of feels like a spider that you can't quite find.  My feet, ughhhhh my feet.  They hurt soooo bad on a daily basis from the moment I get out of bed, which is why I now stay in bed as long as the boys will let me in the morning.  Beau gives some awesome foot massages though :) TMI:  There is a gross odor down south that I am told is normal, but oh my gosh it is gross!!! I am really ready for that to be gone.  I am tired of eating every hour and peeing every 10 minutes (literally).  If I don't eat enough I swear the boys get really rowdy, which then makes me a little nauseous.  Each time I pee it is about the same amount as my 2 year old nephew, but it feels like I was holding back a gallon.  I don't think the boys like it when I try to hold it because Zayden starts punching or poking my bladder to get it out of the way.  I haven't swollen a ton or retained water, which I am super grateful for, but just today my fingers are too swollen to wear my wedding ring...or any ring I have for that matter.  I have outgrown all of Beau's T-shirts and have resorted to borrowing Dave Link's T-shirts since they are a little longer.  Even those are on the edge of too short.  I want to hug and cuddle with Beau, but I am either way too hot or uncomfortable to be touched.  Lastly, my energy is GONE!  I try really hard to be productive or social and both fall flat.
    Wow, sorry.  Now that that is done there are tons of things I love about being pregnant.  Some of which are also part of my venting.  I love to feel my boys moving.  It gives me so much peace to know they are developing and growing.  The fact that at least one is moving at all hours is actually a blessing because I never have to question if something is wrong.  People are super nice to me at random places.  Not sure if it is just because of how prego I look or because my face grimaces with each step, but whatever the reason I appreciate the kindness.  Just the fact that I am pregnant is still mind blowing to me.  I had days/months that I thought I would never have such a blessing.  It is a cool experience to know that I am growing and supporting 2 lives within me. I talk to them and read to them and I feel like they interact with my touch.  At one of my NST appointments I had a fun time because if either of their heart rates dropped into the 120's (which is normal) I would put my hand on them and watch as their heart rate immediately went back into the 140's or 150's.  I loved that.  I love how tender Beau is when he touches my belly or talks to the boys.  I love to watch his face when he feels a "big" movement from either boy.  I love knowing that my actions and choices are all made based on protecting my boys.  And, it is kind of nice that not much is expected of me these days.  It's ok that I never changed out of my PJ's today, never put a bra on and didn't clean a single thing around the house.  Beau was happy I took a nap... hahaha.  I know these days of lounging in a silent house will be over soon, so I am trying to enjoy each moment.
     So that leads into my lasts before firsts.  Beau and I have had many moments the past week realizing that this is most likely the last couple weeks (or days) that it will just be the two of us.  We will be parents for the rest of our lives.  It is our last little while of not having to worry about our children's choices and futures.  It is our last time to be selfish.  It is our last few weeks (for at least for a long time) to do things entirely spur of the moment.  BUT we are in such high anticipation for all the firsts that lie ahead.  We cannot wait for the first time we hold our babies.  We can't wait for their first day home.  We can't wait for their first Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.  We can't wait for their first "twin" interactions.  We just can't wait.  That is the other part of the selfishness of wanting them to come sooner rather than later... we are too excited and don't want to keep waiting to meet our little men!!!!
    On another note, we decided last week to change doctors.  I became very spoiled, I guess, at the infertility clinic having one doctor that knew me and my story.  After we left the clinic we were referred to a group/team of doctors that is known as the "multiple experts".  I have never doubted their medical expertise, but I hated having a new doctor each appointment and feeling like I had to reintroduce myself constantly.  I didn't like that it was a roll of the dice for who would be delivering my babies.  With our decision to use the hypnobirthing technique I felt like I got a little push back and ego attitude from some of the doctors.  I was told that my plans and ideas were great, but I needed to trust them, "they're the doctors".  I didn't like that answer.  I trust them if medical intervention is needed, but I want a doctor that will support me in trying to go natural first before intervening.  My hypnobirthing teacher, Launi, referred us to Dr. Steven Berry and it was an instant feeling of comfort when we met with him.  He spent 45 minutes talking to us and answering any questions we had.  His response to my plan was that he hoped he could simply put his hands in his pockets and let me do my thing... THANK YOU!  He is mainly a pediatrician, so he will be the boys doctor after birth as well... We really like that.  With twins there are a few hospital policies that we have no choice but to abide by and that is fine.  We will be delivering in the operating room.  There must be two doctors in the room at the time of delivery along with a team of NICU people.  Dr. Berry works closley with the team of doctors we just left so who ever is on call that night will be the second doctor.  I like that for the fact that the doctor in charge supports me and I trust his OB skills/knowledge, but the second doctor is part of the "twin specialist" team... I get the best of both worlds :)
    Two things to finish up this post... The amazing Young Woman's group in my ward threw me an awesome baby shower on the 17th.  It was a great turnout where once again I felt a ton of love and support.  I am such a blessed girl with the support system I have around me!  AND... the nursery is finally done!!! After the babies are born we'll hang up pictures of them and our family, but everything else is done!!! I feel a lot of relief knowing that we have everything we need to bring them home.  It is a tiny room, but I think we made the most of the space...especially fitting two babies in it!

The view as you come in the door.  The cribs are mini cribs.

View standing in front of the closet.  The changing table is also a bathtub :) 

The closet....tiny clothes!! 

My rocker/recliner.  Fake baby and all in the swing :) Diaper bag is packed and diaper genie is ready for use!!

Oh, I forgot a few big things.... I have not had to do my heparin shots for the last TWO WEEKS!!! This is the first time since 2006, when I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis that I have not had to take at least one shot a week.  I am loving it :)  All my bruising from the Heparin shots is finally gone!

Sue, my acupuncturist has me taking a herbal supplement called 5-W, which she swears will help sustain the pregnancy for a few weeks longer and I still do my progesterone lotion at night.  I think with both of those supplements, these boys will not be here before the end of Septemeber :)

And if any other prego mamas (or anybody) are having trouble sleeping, I have just discovered that a drop of lavender Doterra oil on the bottom of your feet will knock you out.  I have slept the past 3 nights in a row!!! Granted I am sitting up still, but at least I am falling asleep within an hour of going to bed instead of around 6:00 am.  It's nice.